Projector experiment - my stories

Personal Growth Trainings: When “Development” Goes Against Your Nature

Personal growth trainings started gaining popularity, I think, sometime in the early 2000s. Since I’ve always been drawn to self-development, I went through quite a few courses—both on my own initiative and through corporate programs.

One training that really stayed with me was a women’s retreat I attended in Bali. I remember one particular exercise: we were asked to go up on stage, sit in a chair, and speak to the audience from the role of a Queen. Just sit there and say whatever came to mind.

It was a total shock to my system. I felt this deep resistance—it was such an unnatural role for me. Still, I did it. I said something—I don’t even remember what—and returned to my seat with immense relief.

Looking back, I realize what a violent experience that was, in the sense that it pushed me completely out of alignment with myself. It brought nothing but discomfort and a lingering sense of “wrongness.”

I also remember the woman who was paired with me that day. She absolutely loved the exercise. No, she didn’t just love it—she lived it. Sitting on that throne and speaking from a place of power came so naturally to her. She embodied it with ease and elegance.

I don’t know her Human Design, but I’d bet anything she had Gate 45, maybe the full 45-21 channel, or a 5th line in her profile.

That experience made something crystal clear to me: how often these types of trainings ask us to develop or express qualities that are completely misaligned with who we truly are. In trying to “grow,” we end up forcing ourselves into roles that aren’t ours to play.

A Manifestor woman being taught to be soft, yielding, and “feminine” may end up suppressing the very power and presence she was born to embody.

Projectors and Generators who are told to “go after it,” to chase and push, often find themselves stuck in bitterness or deep frustration.

Ra once said that personal development industries often profit from people with open G Centers—those living from the Not-Self, endlessly searching for identity, direction, and love. The tragic part is—they don’t even realize those aren’t their questions to answer.

Of course, not all practices are like this. In my own journey, I’ve found deep value in practices that bring me back to my body—breathwork, yoga, meditations. These are the ones that help me hear myself clearly. These are the ones that connect me to me.